My advice to young women? Be a princess.
A demanding diva
You think being dumped by text is the worst method available? I aspire to be dumped by text.
It's something I dream of. Instead, I've been dumped by a great wall of nothingness.
My (I assume, who knows? I've not heard!) now ex-boyfriend cannot even summon the strength to type, ‘Go away' or, ‘We're finished' or, ‘I'm sorry. Don't hate me.' Further to my email enquiring, quite generously in my opinion, ‘Where do we go from here?
If anywhere.' I still haven't even received in response a ‘Nowhere'. I have been confronted by an unknowable black hole of can't be bothered. I am sure an astrophysicist somewhere would be able to photograph David's lack of balls.
But it is all moot because - after my hypnotherapy session to ‘Marie Kondo' the toxic people from my life which has instilled in me a new sense of confidence, a feeling that I am not always wrong and that I deserve respect and consideration - I feel like a different person. I've got a friend coming to stay tonight and while the old me would have gone to insane lengths to please her - Christmas before last, with three girlfriends due, I placed gifts of organic bath products on each professionally ironed pillow, emptied Waitrose and bought flowers - this time I have simply made her bed and told her I'm going out so if she arrives late she will have to fend for herself.
Oh, that I could travel back in time as my new, fearless self and relive my life, undo my mistakes.
How different would my reality be now.
I'd own a lovely house, for starters. (After I lost my home, I tried to rent a gorgeous, flat-fronted house on a cobbled street in Richmond, Yorkshire. It was expensive but my ex-friend assured me the man who owned it ‘is a millionaire.
Farms. Businesses. I'm sure he'll accept a bit less.' I told her, ‘There is a reason people are rich. And it's not because they are generous.')
Here is how Confident Me would have done things differently…
Goodness. Wouldn't my world look different today!
My advice to young women? Be a princess. A demanding diva. Care only what you think of yourself. As I write, the Duchess of Sussex has just announced that she won't be revealing the birth of her baby until after ‘we have celebrated as a family'. In other words, ladies: be more Meghan!
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